


Half of a Whole (And Why'd You Let Go?)

by DeductionIsKey



Category: Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Avengers: Infinity War Part One (Movie) - Freeform, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Dad!Tony, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Feels, Gen, One Shot, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Infinity War, This Will Hurt You and I'm Sorry, Tony Stark Centric, Tony Stark's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeductionIsKey/pseuds/DeductionIsKey
Summary: “Mr. Stark. I don’t feel so good.”Tears. Dust crumbles. Peter, gone.Tony, broken, gazes at Titan’s dying sun, and wishes for his own end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Infinity War yesterday, and it broke me. This scene was the single best-acted, worst part, I'd ever witnessed. I need a sequel right about now!
> 
> So, I translated my feels into this.
> 
> And if you know me from my In Loco Parentis series, don't worry about AU!Peter. He and Tony do have to deal with some stuff right now, but I'm not as cruel as the Russo Brothers.. 
> 
> Or am I?

“Mr. Stark. I don’t feel so good.”

 

Tears. Dust crumbles. Peter, gone.

 

Tony, broken, gazes at Titan’s dying sun, and wishes for his own end.  

-

Blood is thicker than water, they say, relationships prevail when nothing else does, love hurts, but it’s worth it.

 

All lies.

 

It was his job, his responsibility, _his kid._ He held him while he cried, he swallowed his tears mixed with his blood, tried desperately to grasp at some of the dust that Peter had turned into. It had spilled through his fingers, like everything else, and he couldn’t hold on, he _couldn’t help._ And Peter had trusted him, had clung to him in his last moments, apologizing for something that wasn’t his fault, until he closed his eyes and _crumbled_.

 

Tony feels like crumbling now.

 

He comes back to Stark Tower, bitter and bruised and broken. He looks around at the streets to find no one there, because he couldn’t do his _damn_ job properly, and Thanos had won. The first thing that greeted him was a teary-eyed May Parker.

 

She takes in his limp, and his wound, and his hopeless eyes.

 

She falls to the ground, and sobs.

 

Tony could only kneel down and cry with her, holding her just like he’d held her boy only hours ago, not bothering to whisper that it would be okay. Because it wouldn’t, because Peter was gone, because _it was his fault._

 

May Parker gets up after a while, cups his cheek and whispers ‘Thank you.’. Tony jerks away, and another tear escapes his eyes. With the grace of a woman far stronger than any he could imagine, she pats down her shirt, rubs her eyes, and smiles, a sad, sad goodbye. She asks for a ride to her house, and Tony, stunned, obliges.

 

He pretends not to see her break down in tears as the car drives away.

 

It seems May Parker can only be so strong.

 

(Tony wasn’t strong at all. Tony was a husk of a man, and death was the only thing surrounding him.)

 

He goes to the hospital per Pepper’s order, who had greeted him with the same look as always, the desperate reunion that wasn’t as happy as it had been before. His ribs were damaged, his wound wasn’t infected, and, ultimately, he would be fine.

 

(On the outside, at least.)

 

He builds more nanotech, and more suits, and _more._ Rhodes, one of the only ones left, his stone, that he’d damaged and gotten hurt, and almost killed, is worried. Maybe he should be, as Tony forgets what the days are, or what month it is, or why he ever cared about life at all. Half the world is dead. 3.8 billion people dead, robbed of life, because he messed up.

 

He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t eat. He doesn’t _care anymore._

 

(Maybe he cares too much.)

 

If he’d built enough rockets, maybe they’d won. If he’d made more armor, maybe they would of beaten him. More, more, more. He goes through a thousand aneurysms, a thousand scenarios. If this, if that.

 

(He forgets about Strange’s last words. He forgets the 14,000,605 potential futures. He forgets.)

-

At night, when FRIDAY and Pepper shove him in bed, he dreams. Of lights and Peter and Strange, Barnes, T’Challa, _blood, death and gore._

 

He dreams of Peter, who trusted him and respected him for no real reason other than Peter being Peter. Who still called him Mr. Stark up until the end, even though he’d say he could call him Tony. Who never hurts a soul, you have to _understand, Peter’s dead and it’s my fault, take me instead!_

 

He dreams. And he screams.

-

He stops asking Pepper if she’s pregnant. If he already killed one child, what’s to say he won’t accidentally hurt another?

-

Fury is dead. Hill is dead.

 

He has a drink.

 

And then he has another.

-

 _“I’m sorry-”_ Peter.

 

 _“The only way.”_ Strange.

 

 _“Something’s happening.”_ Everything’s happening.

 A fall. Death. Dust.

Darkness.

 -

 Bruce tells him the story of the destruction of Asgard. Tells about the final demise of Loki, of the gatekeeper Heimdall’s sacrifice. All the stories he hears are full of sadness lately, and this one is no different. But Bruce also laughs when recounting Korg, and their ‘revolution’.

 

Tony startles. He hasn’t heard a laugh in what seems to be forever.

 

(The last laugh he’s heard was Peter’s. He wanted to keep it that way. Maybe it’d be better not to.)

 

Bruce says he has nowhere to stay, so Tony offers his place. Give him a whole floor, decks it out with the more garish displays of wealth than his own room. The only way he can be of use now is with his money.

 

(He builds more weapons, more, more. If Thanos returned, he’d be ready. He had to be ready.)

 

Washington D.C. erects the fastest made monument of the century, entitled to the memories of those that had died. The President’s wife had been one of them. People are afraid to go out and see it, but gradually you see weeping mothers or sons or fathers at the monument, leaving flowers or just tears.

 

Tony goes out to see it, in disguise. He sits on a bench next to an old woman. She’s crying, and asks who he’s here for. Before long, she’s recounting how her husband and her little boy had crumbled right in front of her eyes, while she was making dinner. It was her son’s birthday.

And now, it was his death day.

 

Tony can do nothing but listen.

 

(He leaves an elaborate bouquet next to the monument. Its warm colours don’t make the sight any less grey.)

-

 

The U.N. calls him into a meeting to testify. He doesn’t have enough fight left in him to refuse. Thick words coat his tongue as he stands in front of the assembly. He wears sunglasses so no one sees his red eyes. He laughs, short and desperate, as he recalls the deaths of his colleagues, his friends. His _kid._ His family.

 

They ask him the location of Steve Rogers. He says he doesn’t know. (That’s not a lie.)

 

They ask him the identity of Spider-Man. He says he doesn’t know. Peter wouldn’t want to be remembered like that, used as media fodder. He’ll mourn Peter Parker, and the world will mourn Spider-Man.

 

(Peter was his, and his alone. He would not let journalists tarnish his memory. Not again. Never again.)

-

The stars start to go out. Maybe they were planets, burning until eternity had stopped its ending. The lights fade, his hair gets grayer, and he doesn’t smile.

 

Another man fades.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Temporary Chapter]  
> [To Be Deleted]

How would you lot feel if I made this into a series? Comment down below if you want me to or not! ^.^

**Author's Note:**

> (I'm sorry.)
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day and I would really love it if you could just leave one (or both!) on your way out?


End file.
